The State of the Union

Some people may think I’m manic. Some people may think I’m adventurous. Some people may just  be confused as hell.

I don’t know what I am, but I can tell you that I’m

  • one month shy of my 22nd birthday
  • have 4 months until I graduate and enter the “real world”
  • am newly single, and
  • I am empowered.

Last night, the joke that is my life went from humorous to fucking hysterical. My ex-boyfriend, who my best friends and I have lovingly nicknamed “Dexter”, wanted an opportunity to apologize after “33 days of misery” he experienced when I left his ass, blocked him from all forms of communication and social media, and went to Europe. And like a fucking idiot, I allowed this to happen.

Correction-I didn’t actually “leave his ass” because he technically dumped me. One month before Christmas break, he called it quits. I am gearing up to graduate and get the hell out of here and have big plans for myself. Plans that freaked him out, I guess.

But, I still affirm that I did in fact “leave his ass” because I finally cut him out of my life and stopped letting him affect me emotionally after I found out some… I guess you could say… big news.

He cheated. Three girls, I discovered. WOW. Fuck you too, 2 years wasted. I was done and I was feeling fabulous! I went to Europe, made out with an Australian, drank beer, and had a badass time.

Last night, the cheating doubled from three-to six and my world flipped upside down in 2.5 seconds. Last night, I threw my first ever punch. Last night, I punched him in the side of the head over and over in a fit of blackout rage that lasted maybe 15 seconds top. But it was the most heavenly 15 seconds of my life. The worst part is, I clubbed him before he finished his list of apologies..

Today, all I can feel is the sting in my hand and wrist. I don’t feel sad, I don’t feel mad, I only feel my hand.

Naturally, my first instinct is to shove my middle finger up to Dexter, my school, the world and shout an insanely loud FUCK YOU. So yes, that of course happened. My second instinct was to get the fuck out of here. So I went home, drank a Woodchuck (my favorite heavenly alcoholic beverage) and booked myself a flight, a hostel, and a day pass to Disney World.

Because sometimes, you just need to go to the happiest place on Earth to remember what happiness feels like. 

This blog will encompass the hilarity of my daily life, my wild adventures, and the struggles of being a chronically confused and impulsive 20-something. I hope more than anything that the memoirs of my adventures and disasters will bring some types of therapy and sense of peace. Because God knows I need it.

Until I get that peace, I’m young, I’m free, I have time, (some) money, I’m single, and I have the world at my feet. And it’s time to see what the world is all about. What better way to start out that at Disney World?

Flight leaves in 45 minutes. LET’S GO!

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