Currently it is 12:56 AM and I am wide awake, sick to my stomach because I let myself think. I violated commandment number 2: thou shalt not dwell.
How many other girls? How many other lies? How deep does the truth go?
The thoughts rush through my mind like a whirlpool of poisonous liquid that can destroy the very essence of happiness and peace simply on contact. I need to 1) not give a royal fuck and 2) let it all go. But it’s driving me absolutely bat-shit crazy.
Tonight is one of those nights where I’m contemplating letting the air out of the tires of his car just to give him a shitty start to his morning. I’m tempted to text Heather Lynn (name change) and bitch about how she still parties and adores him even though she supported me and listened and agree with me when I discovered he cheated with the original three mistresses. And that was before Dex so cold heartedly threw three more in my face too. Shitty friend move, shitty friend move. Any friend of mine IS NOT a friend of his because they would morally agree with me that he is evil in the flesh.
Sounds extreme, I’m aware. But the levels of lying and the extremity of his actions warrant my feelings and emotions.
Still, the best revenge is being so fucking fabulous no one can take their eyes off of me.
I’ve won right? Why is it important to me that I win? What is winning, anyway? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU VIOLATE COMMANDMENT NUMBER 2. You mindfuck yourself and lose a perfectly wonderful night of sleep.
Make it stop, subconscious Sara. Make it stop. Hatred is an emotion that invests so much of your energy and gives you nothing in return. It’s basically like empty calories; a waste.