31 Ways I Suck at Being an Adult.

  1. Crucial details like vehicle state inspections slip my mind… for two years.
  2. I still write checks and mail them in because online bill pay confuses me.
  3. Car maintenance in general… Oh look a light on the dash, IGNORE IT
  4. My pantry is constantly empty except for the occasional chocolate chips.
  5. All I have in the fridge is Woodchuck and cheese sticks.
  6. I’m having nightmares about my W2.
  7. There’s an exceptional amount of pink my room and bathroom.
  8. Can’t cook.
  9. Milk is always expired.
  10. I’m constantly being tracked down by a dentist, doctor, or optometrist because of overdue appointments.
  11. I never return the calls of the dentist, doctor, or optometrist.
  12. I don’t even have my voicemail set up.
  13. Laundry day occurs like, never.
  14. When it does, it takes all fucking day.
  15. I continuously forget to submit my timesheet at work and end up getting paid late.
  16. It doesn’t even bother me because I only know my bank account balance when I get an emergency text that I only have $50.
  17. My cat hasn’t gone to the vet in 3 years.
  18. She’s fine, I swear.
  19. The vet has no idea I don’t even live in that town anymore.
  20. I have a pile of unopened mail from my health insurance company(s) dating back to 2012.
  21. I don’t have any plans of opening the letters.
  22. I have three health insurances that I use interchangeably based solely on which one I find first #oops.
  23. I have no idea if that’s like, illegal.
  24. I don’t really care if it is.
  25. I sleep with two pillows and three teddy bears.
  26. When something on my to-do list doesn’t get done for long enough, I scribble it out and forget it ever existed.
  27. I constantly have at least one semi-flat tire.
  28. There’s always crumbs or melted chocolate chips in my bed or on my pajamas.
  29. My pajamas consist of giant free t-shirts and boxers.
  30. I never pay my rent right, it’s always $5 under or I get a credit of $15 to my account.
  31. I didn’t know I had an account, is there a password to that?
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