Everything’s Slipping.

Confession: I am a control freak.

My life is highly controlled at all moments. I am a planner, a note taker, and a color coder. I have…

  • a planner for school
  • an electronic calendar planned to the minute
  • a notebook I call my “extended to do list” where I continuously add something I need to do (in life) on the next line–I’ve had the same notebook for this for 2 years and when I do fill it, it will be my second, cover to cover, extended to do list
  • a notebook for work with  weekly to do list and then broken down into daily to-dos
  • a notebook for service position I hold at school

I make up my bed daily, I keep an “inventory” of what I have “in stock” like Chapstick, make up remover, eye drops, my favorite pens, highlighters etc. Hell, I even have “shave legs” in my notebook of getting shit done. If I didn’t know me, I would think I was a total freak. Maybe I am. I won’t lie though, having a teeny touch of OCD (ok maybe more than a teeny) has gotten me pretty far and I’ve gotten there extremely effectively.

But recently, things are falling out of their highly organized and meticulously structured place. And I need to get it back.

  • Today, I took a test and got a C. I do not do C’s often…
  • Today, I took a quiz and left three of the five questions BLANK. I do not fuck up THAT bad often…
  • Tuesday, I took a test and got a D.
  • Today, I skipped a class.
  • Today, I didn’t make my bed.
  • Today, it took me four hours to complete a project at work that should have taken one.
  • Today, I did not pick out what I will wear tomorrow.
  • Today, I did not finish my daily to-do list and I scribbled it out to make myself feel better.

 Holy fucking shit. 

Tomorrow, though. Tomorrow, I will make my bed, calmly move through my day, and focus on myself and my daily goals. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow, I will say “today I will be my own superhero”. 218a95f7d1da268abad2a3ce057aa644

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