Confession: I am a control freak.
My life is highly controlled at all moments. I am a planner, a note taker, and a color coder. I have…
- a planner for school
- an electronic calendar planned to the minute
- a notebook I call my “extended to do list” where I continuously add something I need to do (in life) on the next line–I’ve had the same notebook for this for 2 years and when I do fill it, it will be my second, cover to cover, extended to do list
- a notebook for work with weekly to do list and then broken down into daily to-dos
- a notebook for service position I hold at school
I make up my bed daily, I keep an “inventory” of what I have “in stock” like Chapstick, make up remover, eye drops, my favorite pens, highlighters etc. Hell, I even have “shave legs” in my notebook of getting shit done. If I didn’t know me, I would think I was a total freak. Maybe I am. I won’t lie though, having a teeny touch of OCD (ok maybe more than a teeny) has gotten me pretty far and I’ve gotten there extremely effectively.
But recently, things are falling out of their highly organized and meticulously structured place. And I need to get it back.
- Today, I took a test and got a C. I do not do C’s often…
- Today, I took a quiz and left three of the five questions BLANK. I do not fuck up THAT bad often…
- Tuesday, I took a test and got a D.
- Today, I skipped a class.
- Today, I didn’t make my bed.
- Today, it took me four hours to complete a project at work that should have taken one.
- Today, I did not pick out what I will wear tomorrow.
- Today, I did not finish my daily to-do list and I scribbled it out to make myself feel better.
Holy fucking shit.
Tomorrow, though. Tomorrow, I will make my bed, calmly move through my day, and focus on myself and my daily goals. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow, I will say “today I will be my own superhero”.