Was it even real?

A lot of surreal things happen throughout one’s life. There have been countless times in the past year where I have looked back and wondered if those things actually happened and if my memory truly serves the reality I experienced. Countless times.

I have spent this past week on an “Alternative Spring Break” through the University of Hipsterville. My trip’s focus was Inner City Education in New York City. We spent most of our time at a KIPP Charter School in Harlem. After one week, I gained so much from this experience and I realize what I have learned more and more each day. Every morning it is like being hit in the face with a brick. Everyday I see and understand a little bit more about myself and about the world around me because of this immersion experience. Every day I gain something, but every day I question what even happened as if it was all a dream, far away and distant in the depths of my memory.

On the Alternative Spring Break we are asked to do a technology fast. No cell phones. No internet. No blogging. WOMP. I missed being Sara Wildes and having this outlet, but I journaled and I plan on transcribing and uploading ASAP. During this technology fast, I was cut off from communication with my parents, who have gone bat shit crazy in the past two weeks. Although it was phenomenally beneficially for me to get distance from the stressful situation revolving around my dad’s mental health issues and family’s recent relocation from Europe back to the United States, I also am questioning my own reality that I once accepted as the truth.

Did my dad intention try to end his life? Was it an accidental combination of alcohol and sleeping medicine? Did it even happen to an form of an extreme at all? Has the story been dramatized through my mother’s perspective or in my own head out of fear, worry, and jumping to conclusions?

What even happened, if anything even happened at all? I may never truly know, despite the relentless questions I keep pouring upon my mother. But then again, do I want to know?


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