Confession: I’m secretly an introvert.
No one would ever really know it, unless you look really close. I am outgoing, I enjoy meeting new people, I’m talkative and rather loud.
But I recharge by being alone. I love doing things by myself. I love being around people from 9-5, but after that, I love to be around absolutely no one. In fact, I get pissed and extremely irritated if my alone time, my “me time”, my rituals of recharging are violated.
Going to the gym and exercising was my “me time” for a long time. That is until my friends began tagging along every fucking time. My room was my “me place”, until people starting coming in and coming over at their convenience. Eating breakfast alone every morning in my university’s dining hall was my “me time” until random friends began to sit with me to “catch up and chat”. Get the fuck away from me. This is my me time. Shoo.
But I can’t say that to anyone. I can’t tell anyone that or explain myself because people do not understand an extroverted introvert. People don’t have a lot of tangible experiences with people like me. “But you’re so social!” they would exclaim, but what they don’t know is that I’m only able to be that way after I’ve had my hours and hours of independent and silent recharge time.
I have spent approximately 4 weeks surrounded by masses and masses of people. I’m bursting at my seams to get some quiet time and my own fucking space. It is exhausting. Everyone wants to talk. Everyone wants to just exist next to each other. I have no desire for either of these options… I’m around people and talking from 6:30 am until 11:00 pm every god damn day.
I went to the isolated and undiscovered second floor of the library to work and to chill. That lasted a few days before some crazy, chatty bitch followed me up there and “discovered” a great new working space. It’s now crowded with chatty bitch and her 8 chatty friends… Fuck.
I can’t go to my room because my roommate literally never leaves. I’ve never even seen her in the printing lab or copy center… I don’t know how she has been doing her lesson plans for the past 2 weeks… No idea.
That is why, I went to visit my sister this weekend. She lives 3 hours away. She is pretty damn similar to me in the sense that we both have no need to speak or socialize to feel fine about ourselves. We can literally sit and relax, watch a movie, do absolutely nothing, for hours on end with little-to-no verbal communication.
It was exactly what I needed. But still, it was too short.
Because here I came, back to campus, back to ATF social hour feeling fine and recharged. My resting bitch face was slightly less bitchy and life was ok. At least so I thought.
That was until I walk into my dorm room and my fucking roommate is cuddling her god damn boyfriend who is visiting for the weekend. I should have requested to have my own room. I thought angrily.
I fucking hate people 90% of the time.