Category Archives: Uncategorized

Baseball Booty and Cream Cheese

 

For the past couple of weeks, I have been seeing this guy named Evan. We met out one night and he is so insanely sexy. But of course, the second I found out what he does, he became even more sexy as if that was even possible.Evan is… 

  • 26
  • a minor league baseball player-first baseman 
  • 6’4″
  • 225 lbs of pure baseball booty 
  • hot 
  • and pretty damn sweet too

AKA, Evan is freaking perfect. The only problem, and it’s kind of a big one, is that he is in town only to play  for the local minor league team and the instant the season is over, Evan is back to the great state of California. 

Last night, the season unexpectedly ended for Evan’s team. He texted me at 4:00 p.m. that he would be flying home the very next morning. I actually felt sad. Like a pit in my stomach. This feeling alarmed me because it doesn’t happen often! Normally, I am an island. Pretty damn nonchalant to most everybody and every relationship. This time though, I was bummed. 

The team was on the way back from a series of games in Louisiana and we had been playing on having me pick him up from the bus at 10:00 p.m. when they arrived. This would be his last night in Mississippi. Throwing all morals and hesitations aside, I decided quietly to myself, “Yep, I am totally going to sleep with him. Yep. It’s happening,”. Because it’s fucking baseball booty and you DON’T say no to that. 

So naturally, I wore some pretty little outfit and waited patiently behind the charter bus as 50 something baseball booties unloaded and wandered on home to their families, friends, parents, and slam pieces, like me! Evan, who lives out of one suitcase, loaded on up into my SUV and we went on home too. 

And y’all, he was so damn hot. 

Anyways. He stayed the night and I dropped him off at the airport on my way to teach children… *insert guilty feelings here. We hugged and kissed goodbye and I watched him wander into the terminal with his one suitcase, tight ass, and bag of baseball bats. Sigh, goodbye you beautiful creature. 

By the time I got to work, I had a text from Evan. “So sad leaving you 😦 Since I never got to take you out to do something fancy, I left you a little present under your cream cheese in the fridge. Just wanna help you out when I can,”. 

First of all, what the fuck?! He left me a present under the cream cheese? That is the weirdest place to leave a present. Second, did this dude just leave me cash-money?! 

Now I have to wait all fucking day to find out how much he left me! my mind was bursting with curiosity. 

Finally, a long 2.5 hours after the work day technically ended, I made it on home and went straight for the fridge. 

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And then I’m pretty sure I blacked out. 

The dude left me $185…. I’m not sure if this makes me a prostitute or a sugar baby… but I honestly didn’t ask for either! Now, as a very independent person, I was a little pissed. I don’t need your name money, I take care of myself and I kick ass doing it. But then, I just shrugged it off. 

The envelope had his name on it (blurred out), so I’m pretty sure it’s money his baseball team gives him for travel funds. But fuck! I’ll take it… I can decide whether or not this means I was paid for sex or “well taken care of” later, while I’m on my shopping spree.

My life is a joke! Awesome, but a fucking joke! 

18 Struggles Of Having An Outgoing Personality But Actually Being Shy And Introverted

Essentially the story of my life.

Thought Catalog

This… this is my soul song, people. This is my Vietnam.

1. You’re not anti-social, you’re selectively social.

2. At any given point, you have one (maybe two) best friends who are your entire life. You’re not a “group of friends” person. You can’t keep up with all that.

3. Social gatherings that are supposed to be “rites of passage” like prom and dances and other such typical nonsense is just… not for you. You don’t understand it. You want nothing to do with it.

4. When you do choose to grace a party with your presence, you are the life of it. You’re dancing on the table and doing body shots until 3 a.m.

5. … You then retreat into three days of complete solitude to recover.

6. You go out of your way to avoid people, but when you inevitably have to interact with them, you make it…

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Out of Body Experiences

Shout to meeting the author of Chasing Piggens tonight! #mindblown #sohumbled

Teaching (mostly) White Kids

chasing piggens

Dear incoming teachers,

Don’t be disappointed if you’re teaching white kids.

Sometimes teachers (especially new TFA teachers) get into pissing contests about whose job is toughest, and a lot of people will discount the challenges that you face because you’re teaching white kids. Folks will assume that you have a cushy job. Don’t buy into this. If you believe this, you are allowing yourself to give credence to assumptions that are based on race and reflect lower expectations for students of color. If you catch your friends making these assumptions, call them on it.
The other thing, which I didn’t appreciate until my partner (who teaches in a mostly-black school) pointed it out to me, is that I get to experience diversity every day. I witness racial dynamics in action among the students at my school. Sean doesn’t. In this particular way, my experience is richer than his.
If you…

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“Non-Feminist” Celebrities Who Owe Their Careers to… Feminism

Hey celebs, do you believe in the oppression of people?
You don’t?!?—Well, then you’re a feminist.

Flavorwire

Once Beyoncé herself puts the actual dictionary definition of a term right in the middle of a hit single, you’d think people would stop being so confused over what that term means. But nope, Patron Saint of YA Adaptations Shailene Woodley felt the need to simultaneously say she’s not a feminist and demonstrate that she’s not 100% clear on what a feminist even is. She’s hardly the first to do so, but ironically, the idea of women’s equality she claims not to subscribe to is what makes her box office success possible in the first place. Here’s a list of other self-identified non-feminists who wouldn’t be where they are today without what, as “***Flawless” tells us, is simply the belief “in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.” Read ’em and weep.

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Countdown 40 days.

Countdown 40 days.

And this is what I’ll be wearing under my cap and gown.

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101 Things I Will Teach My Daughters

Thought Catalog

1. Chocolate is only a temporary fix.

2. A properly-fitting bra is not a luxury. It is a necessity.

3. Your happiness is your happiness and yours alone.

4. How to apply red lipstick.

5. How to wear the crap out of red lipstick.

6. A boyfriend does not validate your existence.

7. Eat the extra slice of pizza.

8. Wear what makes you feel gracefully at ease.

9. Love the world unconditionally.

10. Seek beauty in all things.

11. Buy your friends dinner when you can.

12. Wear sunscreen like it’s your second job.

13. Try with all your might to keep in contact with far-away friends.

14. Make the world feel at ease around you.

15. Walk with your head up.

16. Order a cheeseburger on the first date if you want to.

17. Never, ever bite your nails.

18. Swipe on some lipstick, put on your leather…

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15 Struggles People Who Bottle Up Their Feelings Understand

Yup.

Thought Catalog

Community: Season 3Community: Season 3

1. It may be exhausting but you can put on Oscar worthy acting performances for days, weeks or even months at a time, pretending to be okay with people and things that are actually stressing you out & driving you crazy. You’re basically a super dedicated, unpaid method actor.

2. Giving attitude here and there is a survival mechanism you use to avoid exploding. It’s a way of slightly sedating a potential blow up temporarily. Think of it like slowly unscrewing the cap of a soda so the carbonation doesn’t cause a massive, fizzy mess and overflow out of the bottle.

3. Thinking that your feelings are foreign to everyone else. When you see yourself as somewhat of a Martian, it’s easy to refrain from expressing what’s inside because you’re fairly certain nobody wouldn’t understand anyway.

4. In modern dating there are a lot of games being…

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Real Talk: Life Can Often Suck.

And that’s ok. 

Savannah sent me this awesome Buzzfeed link today and it could not be more accurate nor more hilarious. Enjoy!

XOXO

Sara Wildes

Tagged

03 Learn how to be happy

Lovin’ this.