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18 Lessons Learned From My First Semester Single.

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As I am wrapping up my last semester as a undergrad, I discovered something monumental. This has been the first whole semester where I have been single. But really, I have never been single for the entirety of a semester and I’m fairly certain that this fact is my sole regret of my college experience. I should have experienced this all much earlier, BUT, it actually couldn’t have come at a more perfect time and I couldn’t be more thankful.

This semester, I learned vital lessons that, if I had not learned them, I would not have been prepared to face my future.

Although tiresome, troubling, and torturous at times, I ultimately learned 18 lessons that I value more than any boyfriend.

  1.  how to be alone
  2. how to not have a sole companion to tell my daily stories to
  3. how to pay attention, real attention, to my friends
  4. how to stop looking at my iPhone screen and look at the world and people around me
  5. how to use public transportation effectively–boyfriend ain’t gonna pick me up when I have a flat tire no more
  6. how to really be independent–no one does me favors or runs me errands anymore, it’s all me
  7. experimenting with different hair styles and outfits can help you shape yourself into the person you want to be
  8. how to accept and embrace failure without a shoulder to cry on
  9. how to spot bullshit
  10. and how to call it out as such
  11. going to the movies alone is liberating
  12. loneliness is a real emotion
  13.  it’s ok to feel it
  14. and how to deal with those feelings
  15. how to overcome my “struggles”, chin-up, and move forward
  16. grace and strength are often overrated and it’s ok to have a breakdown
  17. no one can define you, limit you, or hold you back unless you allow them to
  18. AND FINALLY, self respect will always be worth more than company
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A Healthy Amount of Self Deception.

310aace79e18e9e737fea239aee0ff97Being realistic is too, well honestly, it’s too fucking real. Life isn’t suppose to be miserable and grey, it’s suppose to be full of joy and light. For example, in the movie The Matrix the whole world is living in a false reality just so that they don’t have to tolerate the harsh and awful reality that is well, reality. We all, in our own ways, live in our own Matrix-like world.

It’s a survival technique. 

Therefore, I firmly believe that I can enter the “real world” in 34 days confident, enthusiastic, and wide-eyed and bushy tailed. Good things will happen for me. Things will fall into place, The little stresses will be resolved and everything will be ok. Because I believe I am an exception to the norm and that there is something big waiting out there.

Even if it’s in a rural town in Mississippi.

I can’t wait to find it.

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Countdown 40 days.

Countdown 40 days.

And this is what I’ll be wearing under my cap and gown.

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The State of The Union

I have been a serious grumpy gills. It’s only Tuesday. 

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My sass levels have been increasing at an exponential rate for the past few months. This week, however, they are off the charts. I just don’t have the same patience, sweet nature, or kind and considerate expressions that I use to have. Granted, my kind and considerate expressions were largely bullshit enacted because I viewed such behaviors as “polite” and “good manners”, they were rarely actually genuine.

I know, I know. I sound insensitive. Well, in many ways, I am. I rarely care about the “stress” and “insane schedules” of those around me. The way I see it, we are all busy in our own ways and more often than not, business is a choice. I don’t really care what happened to you on your way to campus, if you’re late for our group presentation, I just don’t like you.

But like I said, this week especially, I am a grumpy, grumpy gills. Largely this is because anyone’s “problems” seem insanely insignificant. Now, not in the sense that they are big babies or what is going on in their lives are unimportant. But solely in the sense that people take so much for granted and appreciate so little. And I am greatly at fault for all of that and more. 

  • Stop talking. The faster we get through this meeting, the more downtime/study time/personal time all of us will have tonight. STFU we do not care.
  • Oh don’t complain about your lousy night of sleep… you do not even know.
  • Midterms are making you want to drop off a bridge, are they? Wow.
  • Fulfill your responsibilities, be accountable, show up, try. If you can’t do these things, get out of my sight. I might snap you in half with my piercing words of shame.
  • Oh, you’re going to pretend like everything is fucking normal? Well it’s not. Stop pretending. I will slap you.

Ya, you could say that for a female I am slightly more aggressive than normal. I get shit done. I do it well (mostly). I work hard and long and I take no shit. But, patience is an attribute I should probably work on developing because it might like, come in handy sometimes.

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A Glitterbomb of Glory.

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There is something to be said about the phrase “fake it ’til you make it”.

I like to think of myself as a genuine person. But sometimes everyone has to put on their happy pants, even if they are fitting a little tight that day. But, just like magic, once you suck it up and put on those damn happy pants, they start to feel just right.

It’s physically impossible to not be happy while you’re smiling. But really though, there is evidence.

On days where I’m just not quite “feeling it”, I tend to dress myself in sequins, sparkles, shimmer, anything that will catch a little light. When you drape yourself in something as glorious as the aforementioned choices of attire, it’s fucking impossible to have a bad time. Because you look fabulous and you ARE fabulous.

Sometimes life freaking sucks, yes. That is a simple fact. But there’s nothing more satisfying than converting yourself from something dark into a disco ball of joy and happiness and putting on a show. It’s catching! Susan always, always says that “glitter is the herpes of crafts” and she has a freakin’ point!

Even on my worst days, I hope that my joy, just like glitter, goes fucking everywhere, gets stuck to people and things, and never, ever comes off. I hope that traces of my joy can be found underneath the couch one year after the party. I hope that my joy sticks to the people that I surround myself, because after all, I thrive off of the joy of those around me. I know, these statements are incredibly strange. But from this perplexing analogy is where I channel my inspiration to tell myself every day that…

Today, I will be a Glitter Bomb of Glory. 

And therefore, “Be a Glitter Bomb of Glory” is now officially written into affect as my life’s 6th commandment.

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Wild. Sara Wildes.

28book-articleInlineWild, by Cheryl Stayed is the first book I have read in its entirety for like, a year.

I loved, loved, LOVED this book! It couldn’t have found me at a better time in my life either. Cheryl has lost herself after the death of her mother, her affairs and consequential divorce from her husband, and experimental drug use. She decides to find herself on the Pacific Crest Trail and backpacks 1,100 miles.

‘Cause she’s a bad ass BITCH, BITCH, BITCH. 

In the midst of her divorce, Cheryl has the opportunity to chose her last name. She literally chose the name Strayed as a representation of the trials she recently had endured. She strayed from herself, her family, her husband. She strayed from what she knew and took a wild leap of faith and set out to adventure on a hike from Mexico clear to Canada.

Wild is coming to a big screen near you soon! Reese Witherspoon will play Cheryl. I couldn’t think of a better fit! I cannot wait to laugh my ass off at Cheryl’s crazy mishaps and stories that come out of the trail and I can’t wait to be comforted to know that I am not the only one a “spirit walk”.

Inspired by Cheryl Strayed’s empowerment of choosing her own last name, I created my own penn name, Sara Wildes.

I added an E for emphasis.

Not sucb a random selection, Wildes is actually a family name that I always envied. It encompasses everything I am and everything I want to be. Young. Wild. Free.

So what we get drunkkkk. If you don’t get the reference… get out.

I decided today that if there was a movie that portrayed my life, the celebrity that would play me would be Kate Hudson. She’s fun, sassy, flat chested as shit, and I think she’s really cool. God, if only the Chronicles of the Chronically Confused could be a movie one day. But then again, everyone would freaking know what a mess my life is. HA. As if they already don’t.

 

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