The Mistresses

I’ve decided to change names of The Mistresses, you know, to protect their identity.

1. Skinny Minny
2. Nadia
3. Crystal
4. Jezobel
5. Becky
6. Leslie

I know all of them by names, faces, sound of their voices. I stare and have stared all of them in the eyes for months and, in some cases, even years.Nadia, in fact, is one of my closest friends. She let me cry to her about the terrible horridness that Dexter put me through time and time again. Nadia encouraged me and hung out with me and got drunk with me..

Nadia and Dexter made out two summers ago when Dexter broke up with me for 2 weeks. Now-you might say, “well you were not together, how is that cheating?”. Let me tell you. Dexter broke up with me several times, I think three total. But Dexter never fucking left me alone. He still texted, called, told me he loved me. He kissed me, stayed over, reminded me of how much I meant to him.

Lies. 

Fucker-face is a psychopath. So I go 1.5 years thinking Dexter loves me and cherishes me and thinking that Nadia is one of my closest friends. I wish at least one of them had told me.

The trust issues are going to be sooooo fucking deep now. The second I get back to school, I am marching myself right into the counseling center and scheduling myself a weekly therapy session. Maybe that will prevent me from throwing any more punches. Fuck the world. Fuck all of The Mistresses.

I’m sure there are more, but I don’t want to know anymore. It eats at me and it eats at me and part of me is dying to know everything and the full truth but it’s not fucking worth it because Dexter is not fucking worth it.

I texted Nadia and was a total snappy bitch and I’m glad I did. She wants to talk and apologize. Honestly, I’m not that mad at her, but I wish she had told me. She kept that secret for far too long and it could have changed the trajectory of my entire college dating career if she had told me. But still, it’s not her fault, it’s his. So maybe I am mad at her? I don’t know.

What am I going to do? I have to see these people all the time. I’m a laughing stock. I’m a joke. I feel so embarrassed that so many people knew these horrible things while I knew nothing.

I knew nothing.